Who knew the day would come when I would have to say that very statement to myself? I most certainly didn’t. Honestly, I totally never saw this coming. But on this very day, as I type this and reflect back on the past 4 months of P being here, and 38 weeks of me being pregnant, there are a few people (or more) that I can say maybe they just aren’t that into me. What a shock? What a blow to the ego? I’ve never had this problem, but then again, I’ve never had an adorable baby girl to call my own. Life before P was a big party, a celebration of friends. Always something to do. Always someone to support. Hell, at my wedding, we had over 300 people, and I knew each and every one of them. I loved that I had a nice amount of close friends, friends, and associates to surround myself with, but now, not so much. If B and I got married again today, you can bet that it wouldn’t be that many people in attendance because most wouldn’t be invited. It would be more like closer to a 100 and that’s including family. So I guess my circle got smaller, and what once was is no more. P.S. Can you tell I was listening to Why I Love You as I wrote this?
Anywho. I heard before I got pregnant that things would change in my life, and I totally accepted that. I expected that going forward my world would now revolve around the three of us with P at the center. What I wasn’t prepared for was the shift in my relationships with other people. Some for the better. Others for the worse. The mommy blogs I read did predict this, but I just thought it would not happen to me. If you google “losing friends after baby,” you’ll find so many people testifying about how their life changed post-baby. Maybe it’s me. Or maybe it’s them. Who knows? I do know that things have changed, and my time is very limited. Hell, I know that I’m kind of obsessed with P, and in my head, I guess I think that everyone I know and love should be as well. But sadly that’s not always the case. You’ll always have someone that never text or call to see how you all are doing during your pregnancy or after. You’ll always have those that just disappear. You’ll always have those that don’t show up despite numerous invitations. You’ll always have some that just don’t get it. At this point, it is what it is. If you’re like me, you learn to appreciate your smaller group of friends and family. You mourn those relationships that are no more, appreciate them for what they were, and try to remember the friendship in its heyday. It’s not easy, and I’m the queen of being petty. But sometimes you just have to let it go. Or at least, that’s what B has told me countless times. But it’s hard not to be when your hormones are raging and you’re thinking about the last time that person reached out to you.
Am I wrong for feeling this way? I would say no. Should I reach out to those I feel some type of way about? I’m going to say no again. Do I owe it to our past to say how I truly feel? Maybe! Do I have the time or urgency do such a thing? Nah! Yes, my feelings are hurt. Will I get over it? You betcha! With time of course. In the words of this post, How to Lose a Friend in 10 Months, that I randomly found thanks to the good folks at Google: Have I violated the terms of a friendship? Is it unfair to expect to old friends to adapt as my life changes? Do the changes that parenthood brings necessarily sound the death knell for pre-parental relationships?
I guess it doesn’t have to be true. Yes, your friendships do undergo changes. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes they are simply different (no better, no worse). And some have just come to an end, their season is up. And now, I guess all of them have their place and essentially can now be regrouped into different categories just like these I found in Fickle Friendship on Parenting. Yup, I still have Dinks/Sinks (double/single income friends with no kids), Preg Pals (pals who were pregnant when I was), The Seen-in-a-New-Light Gang (friends that had kids before me), The Nursery School Network (for now, we will call the ladies in this Facebook group I’m in this because P is not in daycare), Friend of a “Friend” (don’t really have these), and the E-Amigos (I’ll call these the friends on Facebook who I only communicate with that way).
With that being said, I’ll leave you with some Whodini that posed a wise question: friends how many of us have them?