it's 12:00 am and i'm mentally drained

covid = 1 : me = 0

It’s been awhile since I’ve written something. It’s been a long while since I’ve even had words to express myself. Covid took my inspiration, took my words, and took my motivation and gave me tears, struggles, anxiety, pain, and worry. How horrible yet honest! How depressing yet in still it is my incentive to do better. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second.

I don’t know how you’ve been, but Covid is kicking my ass as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, as a worker. Lots of balls in the air. Lots of things on my shoulders. But as my hubby says, you can only control what you can control and not worry about things you can’t control. Let me say, it sounds easy, but it’s not easy for someone who likes to know. I’ve been working from home since mid-February, and I have had good, mid, and bad days. As a mom, I try to be honest with my kids and let them know when mommy is having a bad day. I don’t want them to think mom always had good days. To me, it gives an unrealistic expectation, and I don’t want to do that to them. We can’t and won’t always have the best of days.

My mental health matters. Self-care for me matters. Knowing who I am and my why is important. One of my friends gifted me with a reading, which told me that I have support. I need to realize that I’m not alone. She told me that I need to look within and stop limiting myself. Her words lit a fire within me that had me looking in the mirror to do a lot of self-reflecting, trying to answer who am I really?

So how are you really? no really?

So if you want to know how I am? I would say that I’m struggling, but I am on a journey of self-discovery. Finding who I am, what do I believe, and what makes me happy. As my reader said, the soul wants to take a journey but the ego wants to be complacent. And this, my friend, is the blessing of Covid for me. It has led me on a discovery that will lead me to being an awesome me.

Now, what about you?